Just before Circuit Breaker, James and Siling, welcomed their third child into the world.
“It was a bit of an emergency—the child was born here at home, in the estate,” shares James, a business owner and grassroots leader in the Compassvale Helm Residents’ Network.
It took just 10 minutes after he called for an ambulance for the paramedics to show up at their door. But within those brief minutes, a baby had arrived.
“Our neighbours were naturally curious as to why there was an ambulance. But I think being able to share with them this new life, the first resident born within the estate itself—you know, it’s quite unique and special,” he says.
While much has been said about the kampung spirit disappearing from Singapore’s HDB estates, the ongoing coronavirus pandemic underscores the importance of organic neighbourhood communities and how they are serving as hubs of human interaction – both online and in the real world.
At a webinar hosted by NVPC Community Matters and Beyond Social Services, four Singapore residents who play an active role in their respective communities shared how they engage their neighbours and the role neighbourhoods play in creating a sense of community.
The sharing session, “Tips and Tricks to Get to Know Your Neighbours”, featured Meryl, an SMU Student living at Marine Parade; Jan, a freelancer and stay-at-home mom from Ang Mo Kio; Charles, a charity worker from Whampoa; and James.
How to Engage Neighbours in Your Community
Like any friendship, connecting with neighbours requires mutual effort and stepping out of your comfort zone.
For Meryl, a 19-year-old student from Marine Parade, her circle of friends used to be made up exclusively of people from school. Things changed in 2019 after she joined Friendzone SG, a neighbourhood community platform where youths in Singapore meet and connect within their neighbourhoods.
“That’s where my involvement in the community started. We held community events within Marine Parade itself. I even helped organise one last year in August,” she shares.
James, who moved to Compassvale Helm in 2017, admits that he and his wife were initially reluctant to attend an open house organised by a neighbour living one floor up.
“It was slightly awkward, to be honest. Everyone in that flat was meeting for the first time,” he recalls. “And there was no common interest apart from the fact that we were all neighbours. It was easy for people to sort of just sit in awkward silence and focus on our kids.”
He has since gotten closer with the families they met that day, so much so that they have even swapped baking ingredients during Circuit Breaker.
What is the Value of Engaging Neighbours?
Admittedly, not everyone is comfortable with the idea of talking to their neighbours. For many, it is far easier to bow their head as they walk out the front door to the car or while rushing to their building’s lift. Distancing yourself from strangers seems to be the instinctually safer option, but engaging with your neighbours actually has plenty of benefits.
Safety and Support
The topic of safety frequently came up during the webinar, with everyone agreeing that engaging with neighbours is how you build a community that’s not just safe but there for you as well.
“We live in a high-stress, fast-paced society and I think the last thing you want is to go back home after a long, busy day, and then get more stress from your community,” says Charles, who lives in a BTO in Jalan Tenteram in Whampoa.
He recalls a story from Circuit Breaker about how his neighbours came to the rescue when his refrigerator broke down. At the time, his wife was still breastfeeding their baby, which meant all their stored milk would go to waste if they couldn’t get the fridge repaired right away.
“We called two neighbours and they readily opened up their freezers to us,” he says. “It’s these kinds of little things, where if you ever need help, you can call on somebody.”
As Charles explains, close relationships with neighbours create a safe and tight-knit support system where people trust and look out for each other.
Community and Nation-building
Meryl offers a macro perspective on the importance of communities, calling them the building blocks of a nation.
“When you have brotherhood and sisterhood and everyone is more likely to share common interests and have a community they belong to, I think that helps to give the country stability,” she points out.
In other words, getting to know your neighbours means getting to know your community. “Everyone is more connected and can feel a greater sense of belonging to their neighbourhood and the nation,” she adds.
These sentiments are not new. According to a 2018 study published in the journal City & Community, being a good neighbour or being someone who engages people around you can reduce feelings of fear and isolation. It also creates a sense of social support in the neighbourhood.
How Can You Be a Good Neighbour?
But what exactly does it mean to be a “good” neighbour? The consensus among the webinar’s participants is that being neighbourly often comes from a place of sincerity.
“During (the peak of) COVID-19, I went around the units to teach children how to go on Zoom and do their classes and all that,” shares Jan, a freelancer and stay-at-home mom living in Ang Mo Kio. “When they have trouble with their computers, they will come down and find me.”
James adds, “I think it starts from an authentic space where you acknowledge everyone’s presence. The last thing you want is to be the overly friendly neighbour that everybody tries to avoid,” he says.
He gives an example of how he typically starts conversations with people in the lifts. While he’s not the type to say ‘hi’ to everyone, he looks at people’s mood before engaging them in conversation.
“If someone comes in and glances at me, then I might say something like ‘Hi, good morning’. Or if it’s a family and I’m with my family, there’s an icebreaker there,”.
For example, he sometimes gets his kids to say ‘hello uncle’ or ‘hello auntie,’ and that can be enough to spark a conversation with neighbours.
Jan has a similar approach to small talk, using the weather and her tech skills as a starting point. “Sometimes I’ll tell them (neighbours) that if they need any help in terms of online things that they’re not too sure about, they can just come to my unit and I can help them along,” she says.
Here are more ideas for conversation starters shared by the speakers:
- Ask for your neighbors’ names and greet them by name the next time you see them. They’ll be pleasantly surprised that you remember who they are!
- Don’t know how to engage in meaningful small talk? Pay attention to their appearance or what they’re doing. For example, if you see a neighbour bringing out their bike, ask them if they know any routes or trails worth exploring.
- When people bring food with them, comment on how good it smells and ask where they bought it from.
- If your neighbour is with their child or grandchild, ask for the little ones’ names and offer them praise.
- In the lift with a neighbour? Simply asking which floor number you should press for them can help start up a casual chat.
What Happens When Neighbours Don’t Respond as You’d Like Them To?
Just because you want to be a good neighbour, it doesn’t mean that you should feel pressured to be friendly at all times or expect people to want to talk to you.
“Don’t stress over having to say ‘hi’ to your neighbours,” Meryl advises. “If you’re having a bad day, it’s okay to take a step back and give yourself your own space. I think that’s perfectly fine and reasonable.”
Meanwhile, Jan recommends not to take it personally when your neighbours don’t respond the way you want them to.
“Sometimes people have their ups and downs in life. But I’m always happy to say hello and smile—you never know if you’ll make someone’s day,” she says.
Good Neighbours Make Great Neighbourhoods
Getting to know your neighbours can seem like a lot of work, especially when your instinct is to keep to yourself and mind your own business. But gestures such as greeting your neighbours, offering to press the lift button for them or asking friendly questions (and actually listening to what they say) all go a long way towards creating a safe and vibrant community.
Reflection questions
- What does it mean to be a good neighbour? When was the last time you felt that you were helpful to your neighbours?
- What’s something that you can do today to get to know your neighbours more?
- Is the kampung spirit present in your neighbourhood? What factors make this spirit thrive? How can you ensure it stays alive?
