Sufferers of depression go through unimaginable pain, but their loved ones can also feel helpless. That was how Siti Nabilah felt at times when dealing with her best friend.
Nisha and I met in primary school. We’ve gone through good and bad times, but have remained the best of friends.
Earlier this year, she told me that she has been diagnosed with depression when she was 17. I felt bad that as her best friend, I had failed to recognise the signs.
Once, not too long ago, she asked me to go to the hospital with her, because she felt that she was a threat to herself. That was when I truly realised she was fighting a constant battle that weakened her strength and will to live every day.
Sometimes on her bad days, I get messages in the middle of the night asking: would anyone miss her? Would people be better off without her? I try my best to rationalise with her, but there’s only so much I can do. There have been times when I felt that I was really going to lose her. Sometimes, when she doesn’t reply to my texts or answer my calls, I worry that the worst has happen. That she couldn’t handle the constant battle she was fighting anymore. Sometimes, I notice how tired she is, and how she always tries her best to keep herself occupied when she can’t sleep.
Having a friend with a mental illness is tough. You often feel helpless that all you can do is listen and advise to the best of your ability.
But you can be there for them. You’re there for their bad nights, the sleepless nights when they need someone to talk to. But you’re also there for their good days, when they’re not weighed down by the sadness that creeps up on them out of nowhere. You’re there when they truly feel happy, to share their success and happiness. You realise that you are the one person that they can count on to help them out of their darkest days.
To me, Nisha is one of the strongest people I know. I am proud of how she is constantly fighting and that she never allows herself to be defined by her illness.
